


some things are better left behind

by PidgeScarlet



Series: SBI Oneshots [3]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Blood and Injury, Childhood Trauma, Fluff and Angst, Headcanon, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP Spoilers (Video Blogging RPF), Non-Graphic Violence, Post-Manberg Festival on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Running Away, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28389366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PidgeScarlet/pseuds/PidgeScarlet
Summary: “To-Tommy,” Tubbo sobbed. “It hu-hurts.”Tommy held him closer to his chest.“I know I know,” he said, tears flowing down his cheeks. “It’ll be okay, we’ll fix you up.”Tubbo just continued to sob as he did his best to cling to his best friend.“Please Toms,” he croaked. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”--After the events of the Manburg Festival Tommy and Tubbo decide to run far, far away from the lands of the Dream SMP.Then, after a few of years, they decide to return. (If only for a little bit.) How do the others react?
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: SBI Oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079132
Comments: 36
Kudos: 749
Collections: Tommy and Tubbo Friendship Supremacy





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Blood, Description of Injuries, Explosions, Mild Panic Attack, Trauma  
> Chapters 2 and 4 do not contain any triggering content despite yelling and mentions of possibly triggering subjects.

Tommy crouched on top of an empty building, watching Tubbo deliver his speech to the crowd of Manburg and DreamSMP citizens that had been invited to Schlatt’s festival. The whole thing was a bunch of bullshit, it was just to raise the approval ratings for Schlatt when Tubbo had done most of the work.

Next to Tommy was Wilbur, who was down on one knee as he watched the crowd. Probably looking for their enemies and gaining a headcount on how many people they would have to face. Technoblade and Pogtopia spies were hidden in the crowd but they didn’t know how many of them were actually on their side. And while there was no sign of Dream and his team, who knows when he could appear.

Tommy could barely make out Eret, Dream’s puppet king, in the crowd, standing near Niki, Bad, and Skeppy. He bet Ant, Punz, Ponk, Sam, and Fundy were nearby as well. They were horribly outnumbered, but that wasn’t was scared Tommy.

What scared him was the button hidden in Manburg that hundreds of TNT hooked up to it. A button that only Wilbur knew where it was. And Tommy was questioning Wilbur’s sanity. Technoblade was not a good influence on him and since the fall of L’Manburg, the man had been falling apart.

Tubbo was the only one he could trust. But seeing him up there, on that podium, delivering a speech Schlatt ordered him to speak at an event he organized made Tommy nervous. It made him wonder what side he was really on.

His, or theirs?

Nervously, he placed a hand on the hilt of his sword that hung by his side. His move didn’t go unnoticed by Wilbur, who eyed him suspiciously. He was so jittery and skittish these days. Like he expected a betrayal from the one person who had stuck by his side from day on.

Turning his attention back to Tubbo he watched him finish his speech. The code words hidden in the speech were never spoken and Tommy breathed a sigh. He watched Tubbo, who out of the corner of his eyes was looking up at him. He smiled. There would be no fighting, no bombs, no chaos tonight.

But boy was he wrong.

Just mere minutes later and one ender pearl jump, Tommy was cradling the body of a broken and burned boy in his arms. Technoblade stood behind him, laughing as he turned back to the crowd, shooting off more fireworks. Wilbur was gone, gone to look for the button he had so carefully hidden away. Schlatt was fleeing the scene, Quackity on his heels.

But in his mind it was only Tubbo.

“To-Tommy,” Tubbo sobbed. “It hu-hurts.”

Tommy held him closer to his chest.

“I know I know,” he said, tears flowing down his cheeks. “It’ll be okay, we’ll fix you up.”

Tubbo just continued to sob as he did his best to cling to his best friend.

“Please Toms,” he croaked. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“I know,” Tommy said, bringing the boy into his lap. “We’re bringing you to Pogtopia.”

Tubbo shook his head. “No, I don’t want to be in the DreamSMP anymore,” he said. “Or Manburg. Or Pogtopia. I want to leave it all behind.”

“Tubbo,” Tommy said, looking down into the eyes of his best friend. He was met with the expression of pure terror, horror, and pain. He couldn’t say no to him.

If Tommy was being honest he didn’t want to be here anymore. He couldn’t take Wilbur’s insanity. He couldn’t deal with Techno’s thirst for blood. The feeling of eyes on him at all times was too strong and his anxiety was skyrocketing. He couldn’t sleep anymore. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept, let alone slept without nightmares.

“I’ll get you out of here Tubs,” Tommy whispered, holding the boy close to him as he pulled out an ender pearl. “I promise.”

˙.・↞ ✴ ↠・.˙

A week later Tommy and Tubbo sat together in the Pogtopia ravine, hiding from Wilbur, Techno, and Niki who had followed them back to Pogtopia after the festival. Other members of Pogtopia mingled about, talking about supplies they needed for the next attack. The plan to blow up Pogtopia on the day of the festival failed, but it was just saved away from another day. Tommy hoped him and Tubbo weren’t around to see it.

“Remember our plan?” Tommy asked as he eyed the boy.

Tubbo nodded his head. It broke Tommy’s heart just looking at him. Tubbo’s arm was in a cast and sling. His entire chest was covered with bandages that were working to heal his burn wounds. A bandage was still wrapped around his head from where he had fallen back and broke his head open. Then spare bandages covered up the other cuts and scrapes that were littered around his body. Tommy may have had a scar on his shoulder from where Dream had shot him with an arrow in their duel, along with other tiny scars from other battles, but nothing on the scale that Tubbo now had.

“Come on then,” Tommy said, grabbing Tubbo’s hand and pulling him up on his feet. “Let’s get out of here.”

Hand in hand (which Tubbo teased him about and Tommy just scowled at) the two walked up to Wilbur and Technoblade. The two were probably plotting something and Tommy could practically feel Niki’s worried eyes watching him and Tubbo as they approached.

“Hey Wilbur,” Tommy said, interrupting Wilbur mid-sentence. The older man turned slowly and stared at the two boys. Tubbo shifted on his feet, his hand squeezed Tommy’s. Tommy squeezed back. Both of the boys were trying to stop themselves from shaking and looking suspicious.

“Me and Tubbo are going out resource gathering for a day or two,” he said.

“Where?” Wilbur asked. He crossed his arms and Tommy was practically sweating.

“Probably Tubbo’s hidden jungle base,” he said. “Since only a few civilians know where it is and it’s basically abandoned now.”

Wilbur nodded and allowed the boys to go. It wasn't the first resource mission the two had been on. Sure, it was the first time Tubbo had been out, but he argued that he needed Tubbo to show him the way. So the two grabbed a couple of backpacks and ran out of Pogtopia for the last time.

Tommy helped Tubbo get onto one of Technoblade’s horses. He felt bad for stealing it but it wasn’t Carl, he was pretty sure that one was his favorite. He passed Tubbo their bags, which contained food and some spare clothes and tools, along with a tent and blankets. To Wilbur it looked like the normal backpacks they would bring for going out for a few days.

Hoisting himself up next to Tubbo on the horse Tommy grabbed his compass and gave it to Tubbo, who was sitting in front of him.

“Where are we going?” Tubbo asked.

“As far away as possible,” Tommy said. “We’re leaving it all behind Tubbo.”

Tubbo nodded and pointed the compass towards the north.

“North leads to Manburg and the DreamSMP,” he said. “Further, towards the northeast is Hypixel and northwest is Mineplex. The abandoned lands of SMPEarth are towards the far east and SMPLive the far west.”

“Then we are going south,” Tommy said, turning the horse around. Tubbo nodded in agreement, looking at the compass in his hands.

“It’s somewhat comforting to know that if we just head north we’ll be back here,” Tubbo said. Tommy nodded as he flicked the horses' reins as they began tearing across the plains.

After a little while Tommy felt Tubbo relax into him, still holding the compass lightly in his hands.

“Thank you Tommy,” he said. He fiddled with the red bandana that was tied on the sling of his cast. The one that was usually wrapped around his left wrist. The one that used to serve as a tie when he had to wear a suit for Schlatt. The one that he had gotten by trading away his green one to Tommy so they could always have a memento from one another to hold close. “Thanks for running away. I know you were against it.”

Tommy bit the inside of his cheek. “I’m not so sure about that,” he said. “But seeing you on that podium, on death’s door, that was my breaking point.”

Tubbo turned his head around to look at his best friend. “Really?” Tommy nodded.

“Like I said, that day on the bench before the festival,” Tommy said, shaking his hair out of his face, “Wil’s gone insane. Techno’s thirsty for blood. I don’t think Dream is on anyone’s side but his own. You’re the only one I could trust.”

Tubbo smiled to himself and looked away.

“I get what you mean,” he said. “In Manburg, things were okay for the most part. The civilians ignored me. Quackity just followed Schlatt’s orders like a lost puppy. Fundy betrayed me and Niki would comfort me whenever Schlatt got drunk and I got in his way.”

Tommy tensed. “What do you mean by that?”

Tubbo shrugged. “It wasn’t bad. He’d just yell, and slap me sometimes. That was before I knew what he was like when he was drunk. I stayed away from him after that.”

Tommy paused for a moment before resting his chin on top of his friend’s head. Tubbo chuckled and it made him smile.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with all that.”

“And I’m sorry you had to deal with Pogtopia.”

The two boys lapsed into silence and continued on their journey. Back in the DreamSMP Tommy had left a note at his old base. It was at the bottom of a chest and would probably take a while for anyone to find, but it was a simple note saying that he and Tubbo left. Nothing about why, or where they were going, just that they were gone and weren’t coming back.

Tommy felt slightly guilty, sure. Him and Tubbo were traveling thousands of feet, miles, away from Manburg, as far as they could possibly get. So far that even Nether traveling would take forever. They would find a place to build a home. Where Tommy could grow a home and Tubbo could care for bees. Where war couldn’t find them and where they could live in peace.

Tommy closed his eyes and let out a sigh before opening them again. Him and Tubbo were together and were escaping the chaos. That’s all he needed right now.


	2. Two

Two boys, well two young adults, stepped cautiously into the DreamSMP. It had been four or five years since they had been here last. Both wanted nothing more than to be at their home by the river, where it was just a day’s ride away from the ocean village. Where they made tunnels and mines through the mountain terrains that weren't too far away. Where they could sit in the meadow stargazing and think about their other new plans.

“Now remember Tubbo, we’re here to find a nether star and a few other things,” said the taller of the two. “And that’s it.”

The shorter rolled his eyes, fiddling with the mask that covered his face. He threw the back of his green scarf over his shoulder and crossed his arms.

“I’m not an idiot Tommy,” he replied. “I know what we are here for. Now you don’t get sidetracked looking at knives.”

“But I like knives,” Tommy whined jokingly, before bursting into laughter. Tubbo joined in a moment later.

The two hopped off their horses and continued to walk on foot. It felt so surreal to be back in the lands they had sworn to never return too. But Tubbo needed things for his redstone projects that none of the villages that were within a week’s travel provided. And Tommy couldn’t argue with the fact that they could stock up on items that were much more rare in the south. So after some careful planning the two made the month-long journey to the DreamSMP. They were going to Nether Travel back, cutting off a week from their travels, and gaining some extra money after selling their horses.

Making their way toward the center of the DreamSMP the two carefully took in all the changes that had happened over the years. Some buildings were new, fixed, or just gone altogether. It was still riddled with damages done by mobs and maybe even civilians.

Marburg was different too. On their travels the further north they traveled the more rumors they heard. Marburg was back to L’Manburg with a new president. Apparently Schlatt died of a heart attack. Seemed likely to Tommy, knowing how much he drank.

Eret had also resigned as king. George was now king, with Dream as his right hand man. Tommy hadn’t heard much of anything else about his old friends. He could only guess.

As they entered L’Manburg, which had expanded its territories to build a large town and marketplace, they quickly found a buyer for their horses, as well as an inn for the night. They would be here for a couple days at least.

They settled into their room at the inn, Tubbo collapsing onto one of the two beds. Tommy dropped the rest of their traveling gear on the floor and sat next to Tubbo, ruffling his friend’s hair. They both slide off the masks covering their faces. Tommy pulled down his green bandana and Tubbo his scarf.

“Why even bother with the masks?” Tubbo asked. Tommy shrugged.

“I’m just being cautious,” he said. Tubbo nodded, twirling his red bandana around his wrist.

“I understand,” he said. He glanced at the window that faced the street before looking back at Tommy. “Wanna go shopping now?”

“Now?” Tommy asked. Tubbo nodded.

“The sooner we get everything we need the sooner we can get out of here,” he said, smiling. Tommy smiled back and stood up, stretching his arms over his head.

“I guess I could go scam some people,” he said, unable to stop his grin. Tubbo playfully slapped him.

“It’s called bargaining, dumbass.”

Tommy watched as Tubbo bargained with a vendor on the street. He fiddled with the edge of his marquarade-like mask and heaved a sigh. It was a chilly day. Fall was nearing an end and the holidays were approaching. Tommy hoped that they’d be back home before it got too late in the month. It was already a shame they had to skip Thanksgiving this year, but they never really celebrated that holiday anyway. It was just an excuse to eat fancier food for them. Christmas was what he was really looking forward to.

Rubbing his arms up and down his sleeves Tommy took a look around. Down the street he saw a vendor that was selling enchanted goods. After quickly telling Tubbo where he was going he made his way down the street, pausing in front of the vendor’s stand.

“Looking for anything in particular?” the vendor asked. Tommy shook his head.

“Hey, can I ask a few questions, if you don’t mind?” Tommy asked. The vendor nodded, cleaning off a small blade that had a faint purple shine to it. “Who’s president now?”

“You haven’t been here in a while, have yah?” the vendor asked. Tommy shook his head, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. The vendor nodded. “Philza’s technically president, but we’re pretty much a self governing nation. That fellow Technoblade doesn’t want any power hungry fools coming into power.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow, pretending to look through a book of enchantments.

“What happened after that festival, that one that happened four or five years ago?” he asked.

“Well, Former President Soot blew it up,” the vendor said. Pointing down the street he motioned at the wood pathway. “And now half the town is built on stilts and wooden pathways. Soot lives in the forest by himself now, singing songs or something.”

“What about Dream?” Tommy asked. “Why isn’t he in power? He founded the land anyway.”

The vendor just shrugged. “Doesn’t want the spotlight I guess. Which is fine, George is a good king. Built himself a new fancy palace.”

Tommy nodded and ended buying an enchanted knife from the vendor. He would get Tubbo to translate the enchantments inscribed on the blade later. He was grateful for the information as well. You didn’t hear a lot about the DreamSMP in the far south and if he was being honest, Tommy preferred to stay in the dark when it came to the news about the northern land.

As he approached his best friend Tommy wrapped his arms around Tubbo’s waist and rested his chin on his head, something he always did when he wanted attention. He felt Tubbo flinch for a second before relaxing. He finished up his deal with the vendor he was talking to before he squirmed out of Tommy’s grasp and turned to him.

“Tubbo,” Tommy whined. Tubbo rolled his eyes and ginned.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s get some food and then get some sleep. It’s rather dark out now.”

Later that night the two sat in their room, talking to one another while preparing for bed. A lone candle was light in a lantern, casting soft light around the room. Dressed in some more comfortable sleepwear Tubbo was sitting in bed, fiddling with his mask.

“So Phil and George are in power, but more like peacekeepers rather than rulers?” Tubbo asked. Tommy nodded and pulled his shirt on over his head. He sat on the edge of Tubbo’s bed and Tubbo crawled over to him to lean against him.

“You’re so clingy Tubbo,” Tommy said, taking the mask out of Tubbo’s hands and setting it on their pile of stuff that was on the floor at the foot of the bed.

“If you didn’t want me to cuddle with you, you wouldn’t have sat on the edge of my bed,” Tubbo argued, smirking.

“Touche.”

“Get some rest big man, we have more shopping to do tomorrow.”


	3. Three

“Tubbo, you didn’t.”

But Tubbo was smiling up at him, holding two large bundles in his arms.

“Come on, think of how fast we can get home with these!” he said, grinning while fumbling with the bundles. “I can’t believe Dream opened up the passageway and traveling access to the End.”

Tommy sighed and took one of the bundles out of Tubbo’s arms. He unfolded the cloth slightly and ran a hand over the weird wing membrane of the elytra in his arms. They were in pretty decent condition, just unenchanted. Tubbo was practically bouncing on his feet as he explained that he knew they cost a lot of emeralds but it was well worth it. Tommy was barely paying attention.

“Tubbo,” he said, cutting him off mid-sentence. Tubbo’s words trailed off as he looked up at his best friend. Even with the mask covering his face he knew something was wrong.

“Tommy, what’s the matter?” Tubbo asked. He couldn't help but rethink his purchase. He knew the elytra cost most of their emerald supply that they brought with them, but he thought it was worth it. Plus they could get more emeralds out of an enderchest if they need too. Tommy just sighed.

“You know that for these to be the most efficient we have to use fireworks Tubs,” Tommy said, taking the other clothed bundle of wings out of Tubbo’s arms. Tubbo shifted on his feet and tugged on his scarf.

“I-I know,” he said nervously. “I-I figured we-we would just get silent fireworks.” He spoke slowly and fiddled with his scarf. “But it’s fine we don’t have to. I know they are expensive,” he began to ramble, words flying out of his mouth.

“Tubbo, of course we will,” Tommy said, cutting him off again. “I’m not going to just disregard your trigger. I wanted to but sure that _you_ were comfortable.”

Tubbo felt tears come to his eyes and he sniffled. He lifted his mask slightly to rub at his eyes. Tommy smiled sadly at him and brought him into an awkward hug, holding the elytras under one arm and hugging Tubbo with the other.

“Come on Big T,” he said. “Let’s put these away and finish getting some more supplies. We need some gold boots if we want to Nether travel.”

Tubbo hiccuped and pulled out of his friend’s grasp, only for Tommy to wrap an arm around his shoulder protectively.

“Thanks Tommy,” he said. “You’re the best.”

“Yeah, I know.”

˙.・↞ ✴ ↠・.˙

Tommy looked happily at the bundles of stuff lying in their room in the inn. They were filled with the supplies that they had traveled so far to get, along with stuff to help them get home quickly. Like the gold Soul Speed boots and the box of silent firework rockets to use with their elytra.

Tubbo was enchanting the elytra as well. They managed to find a book of enchantments to enchant them and Tubbo had taken up the role of enchanter. It was a draining task and took a lot of energy, but Tommy promised he’d buy him something nice later if he did it. Despite being dyslexic he was much better at it anyway. Tommy could still remember all the times he’d messed up enchants.

He still didn’t like talking about the Curse of Binding accident that Tubbo loved to tease him about.

Tommy stood by the window and looked out over the street. Just down the street was a bakery. He stared at the name of the bakery, reminded of a woman they knew long ago. Reminded of the woman who was like an older sister or even a mother to him when he had no one else. He wondered how she was doing, and what happened after him and Tubbo left her behind. He wondered if her and Wil were still close despite the war.

Shaking his head he turned back to look at Tubbo who was now collapsed on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Tubbo turned his head over and smiled at his friend. Tommy smiled back.

“Wanna go exploring?”

With their masks on their faces, scarves and bandanas around their necks, coats keeping them warm and gloves on their hands the two made their way down the street. It had been so long since they walked the L’Manburg and the DreamSMP territory, and while it was very different it still held a sense of familiarity. So much had changed but it was still the place where they had made themselves a home so long ago.

They walked around L’Manburg first. Most of the attractions that were there long ago were gone, either torn down or exploded by bombs. Party Island was still there though, and Tommy found that amusing. It just looked very worn down and like it didn’t get much use. Maybe the local civilians had nothing to hold parties for.

Walking down the wooden pathways Tubbo came to a pause. Tommy stopped next to him and put his hands in his pockets as he looked where his friend was looking. There was a steep cliff, or edge of a crater more like, where the old podium used to be. In its place was a small stage and little stands. There was no remnant of the old podium. But Tommy knew that just being in this place brought back memories. Turning to his right he could see the place where a tall building used to stand, the same building that he had watched Tubbo give his speech.

“Doesn’t bring back good memories, does it?” Tommy said. It wasn’t a question, he knew both of them were plagued by bad memories in the moment.

“Come on Tubs,” Tommy said, grabbing his friend and dragging him away. “Let’s go look at Eret’s old dick towers.”

It was fun to get to see the DreamSMP in their new glory. George’s palace sure was grand looking, along with the city that lay just outside it’s walls. Eret’s old castle was a hospital now, and Tommy figured it was about damn time they got a hospital. Purpled’s old base was gone, along with a lot of other random buildings. The Holy Lands finally looked as if it lived up to their name. Skeppy and Bad’s house was still there, away from the buzz of everything else. The Community House now served as something like a post office and a rest stop for travelers. Tommy wondered if Dream’s little secret hobbit hole in the hill was still there. He didn’t dare to go look either way.

Finally, Tubbo and himself found themselves standing in front of his old embassy, his old home. Someone must have cleaned it up. It had proper walls now, instead of the ones he had hastily patched with dirt whenever some griefed it or a creeper blew it up. There was a single lit lantern sitting besides the door, the candling inside flicker and casting a little bit of light as the sun set.

Tubbo was reading the sign at the door, lightly tracing his finger along each word so he made sure he had read them properly. 

“They’ve turned your old base into a mini museum,” Tubbo said. Tommy raised an eyebrow and quickly glanced around to make sure they were alone.

“I wonder why,” he said. Tubbo shrugged.

“Basically they just left it like how they found it after cleaning it up a bit,” Tubbo siad. “And it isn’t to be tampered with.”

“Well that sign can’t stop me,” Tommy said, puffing out his chest. He put his hand on the door handle and pulled it open. “Bitches can’t stop me.” Tubbo rolled his eyes and followed him inside.

It was uncanny how nothing had changed. The furnaces and chests stacked up to the wall were still there. The trapdoor with the ladder to the sewers and his mines was there too. The room with his bed and jukebox was there too. Along with the storage room that was filled with junk. But the one thing that was different were the item frames on the wall and the sign beside them.

Tommy felt his jaw drop as he stared at the item frames and the note. He could care less about the note, it said something about how he missed the boy that used to live here or something, but he was staring at the shiny items in the item frames.

“Tommy are those?”

“Yeah,” Tommy said, grinning. “They are.”

Mellohi and Cat. His two missing music discs, the ones that Bad and Dream used to hold against him. The two original discs that so long ago he had traded away for independence.

“Tubbo, when was the last time I was a dirty crime child?” Tommy asked, reaching up to run his hand along the groves in the discs. Tubbo’s eyes widened.

“Surely you’re not,” Tubbo said. Tommy laughed.

“Surely I am!” he responded, taking the discs out of their frames. “Hand me some paper, I want to leave a note.”

“And you were the one that said you didn’t want to leave any trace of us behind,” Tubbo grumbled, pulling some paper out of a chest. Tommy shrugged and wrote a quick note, putting that inside the item frame. All it said was ‘ _Tommy was here_ ’ and had a little doodle of a bee on it.

“They might not even know it was us,” Tommy said, pocketing the discs as he carefully slid them into the satchel at his side. “There must be thieves out there pretending to be me.”

Tubbo just sighed. “Let’s get out of here big man,” he said. “I don’t want to get caught. What a mess that would be.”

Later that night, after dropping their stuff back at their room in the inn and after going out to dinner, the two of them walked aimlessly around the street of L’Manburg. After getting so used to spending most of their time outdoors in silence it was strange being out in the open surrounded by so many people. While it was comfortinging not being alone, Tommy didn’t like knowing that they got stares from so many people. It wasn’t uncommon for people to wear masks, but it didn’t go unnoticed. They were obviously travelers as well, which made them bigger targets for stares.

It was no surprise to them when they found themselves seated on a familiar bench under a tall oak tree not long later, wanting time away from the crowds. The sun had long since set and the sharp autumn air bit at his cheeks. Tommy sighed and wrapped an arm around Tubbo, who leaned into him, grateful for the warmth.

They stayed there for a long time, the ghostly tune of a music disc playing in their minds. The sound may not have been audible to anyone else, but to the both of them it was comforting. It brought back memories from long ago, happy ones for once.

But all good things must come to an end. Tubbo was practically falling asleep and Tommy had to shake him awake to bring him to his senses. He guided his droopy eyed friend back to town so they could get some sleep. But as soon as they set foot in town Tommy heard a bang as the sky above him lit up. Tubbo footsteps came to a halt and Tommy watched his friend freeze up in the middle of the street.

Tubbo’s eyes were panicked. He wasn’t on the streets of L’Manburg, no, he was up on that podium. He was obviously having a flashback and a panic attack and Tommy burst into action, covering his friend’s ears as more fireworks went off.

“Look at me Tubs, god fucking damnit look at me,” Tommy hissed, tilting Tubbo’s head up so he could look into his eyes.

“To-Tommy,” Tubbo shuttered, his breaths coming in fast. “Tommy he-help.”

Tubbo was clawing at the air, like he was trapped in a box. Tommy sat him on the ground, ignoring the stares they were getting from strangers passing by. Tubbo’s claustrophobia and fear of fireworks was eating him alive. That year they spent in the war didn’t do either of them any good. Trauma kept them awake at night so many times Tommy couldn’t even count if he tried.

“It’s just me Tubs,” Tommy said. “Look at me. Copy my breathing.”

He brought Tubbo’s head to his chest so he could hear his heartbeat and feel him breathing. Tubbo was crying silently and Tommy knew his tears were staining his coat, but he didn’t care.

It took a few minutes, but Tubbo eventually settled down. He got control over his breathing again and shakily raised his arms to wrap around Tommy.

“I want to go home Tommy.”

“Tomorrow Tubbo. Tomorrow.”


	4. Four

The next morning they were up early. They packed their things away, making sure they were all safe. Tommy carefully wrapped up his discs and placed them in his pack. They were a lucky spoil that he had gotten out of this whole trip. He couldn’t wait to go back home.

He bet his carrots are overgrown now. He hopes his cows didn’t escape into the wheat field again and hoped that the river didn’t flood and mess up Tubbo’s redstone contraptions. He wonders if the village girl they were paying to care for their farm was doing a good job. And he hoped and prayed the rats didn’t get back into their attic. They were such a nuisance to get rid of.

Finally he strapped his elytra on his back and went to help Tubbo’s with his. He wasn’t sure how the nearly twenty-one year old managed to put them on upside down. At least Tubbo could smile about it. Tommy was just glad that he was smiling.

Last night, after the scare they had in the street, Tubbo had slept with Tommy in his bed that night. Nightmares had plagued him all through the night and he was surprised that he got any sleep. He even offered to let the boy sleep for an extra couple hours but he was so hell bent on getting home that he just wanted to leave. Tommy couldn't blame him. The longer he stayed here the more uncomfortable he got.

Avoiding the main portal hub the two instead walked to where the former Pogtopia lands were. It had been converted into farmland for L’Manburg and was a quiet peaceful place. It still unsettled Tommy a bit, but he felt better than he did in the center of L’Manburg. Tubbo seemed to feel the same.

They walked through the thigh-high wheat fields. Tommy knew that Techno’s old portal was around here. Of course there was the portal in the Pogtopia ravine, but he didn’t feel comfortable going back down there. 

They mingled about for a bit, trying to listen for the sound of the portal. Tubbo’s hearing wasn’t like it used to be, after being shot with fireworks up close, and Tommy wasn’t a great listener in general. 

“I swear there was one here!” Tommy grumbled as he walked about. Tubbo gave him a small smile.

“It’ll be fine, we can go to the portal hub if we need too,” Tubbo said. Tommy just shook his head, shaking his hair out of his face. He scowled and kicked at the ground and Tubbo just sighed and stood besides him.

“Hello?”

The two boys jumped at the sound of the voice from behind them. They quickly adjusted the masks on their faces and turned to the person that stood behind them. Tommy was glad there was a mask covering his face, hiding his eyes that widened in shock.

There, holding a bundle of wheat in hand and the other pushed back a sunhat on her head, was Niki. She looked older, no longer the young woman she was before. Well, she was still young, but the softness of her face had disappeared reminding the boys that she was no longer a teenager. She was wearing a worn pair of overalls, a garden trowel in one of her large pockets, and was also wearing a warm sweater and scarf.

“Can I help you two?” she asked, her soft voice speaking up again. Tommy relaxed and so did Tubbo. She didn’t recognize them.

“We were looking for a portal that we were told was here,” Tubbo said quickly. Niki raised a brow.

“Why not use the portal hub?” she asked.

“We don’t like crowds,” Tommy said, deadpan. He crossed his arms and stood up taller. He stood a little over six feet tall, a few inches taller than Tubbo. And he was definitely taller than Niki.

“That’s understandable,” Niki said, holding her bundle of wheat closer. “The war shook a lot of people up.”

“Of course it fucking did,” Tommy grumbled. Tubbo elbowed him and he elbowed him back. The two of them glared at one another, forgetting for a moment that they weren’t alone. Niki watched them curiously. They faintly looked familiar to her but she couldn’t place _why_ they did.

“Anyway, the portal is over here,” Niki said. She walked down a short slope, turning back once to make sure the boys were following her. She led them to a small slip of a cave that was under the hillside. There, carved inside the wall, was a glowing purple portal.

“Finally,” Tommy groaned. Tubbo smiled and visibly relaxed. Niki watched the two with a careful eye but a small smile was evident on her face.

“Glad I could help,” she said. The two boys looked over at her and even with their masks she could see they were grateful.

“Time to get out of here and never come back again,” Tommy mumbled. He checked the elytra on his back for the last time. He made sure the bag of fireworks strapped at his waist would be easily accessible. He did not want to die in a pool of lava.

“Thank you for your help, Miss,” Tommy said. Niki nodded. Tommy then took a cautious step forward and glanced back at Tubbo. “Your ass better be through this portal right after mine,” he said. Tubbo rolled his eyes and Tommy chuckled before stepping through, disappearing in the purple mist.

Tubbo turned to Niki, who seemed to be waiting for the two to finish using the portal before she left. Tubbo’s mind was whirling and he hoped Tommy wouldn’t be upset about what he was going to do. But after seeing Niki after so many years Tubbo couldn’t help but want to say something to his old friend.

“I’m sorry about him,” he said. Niki shrugged.

“There’s no trouble,” she said in response. Tubbo took a deep breath and approached the portal. He turned back to Niki and fiddled with the mask on his face.

“Hey Niki?” Tubbo asked, speaking up before he chickened out. “Say hi to the others for Tommy and me.”

Then he ran through the portal, not wanting to look back at Niki’s stricken face.

Niki dropped the bundle of wheat to the floor once the words registered in her mind.

“Tubbo,” she breathed, her voice barely a whisper. She ran through the portal after the boys, but all she could see was the faint trails of firework sparkles. They were gone. Tommy and Tubbo had slipped away through her fingers once again.

˙.・↞ ✴ ↠・.˙

Holding the note from the embassy Niki ran through the woods towards the small cabin that she knew Wilbur inhabited. Techno and Phil were also likely to be there, since the three were practically inseparable at times. She was breathing heavily but didn’t pause for a second after she kicked open the door.

Three pairs of eyes stared at her as she burst into the room, clutching the note tightly in her fist. She breathed heavily, catching her breath. She had ran all the way here from Pogtopia, then to the embassy, then the cabin to her credit.

“Tubbo, Tommy,” she said through breaths. She bent over and held the note out. Tentatively Wilbur stood and took the note from her hands. He unfolded it and his eyes widened.

“Niki, surely not,” he said, looking at his friend. The girl just smiled back up at him.

“I saw them Wil,” she said, grinning. “They were in disguises but it was them.”

“You’re sure?” Techno asked, standing up from the chair he was seated in. Phil was silent, watching the three of them with curious eyes.

Niki nodded confirming it.

“They’re all grown up now,” she said. “They’re both much taller than me now. Tubbo has to be around your height Phil.”

Phil smiled. “I miss those boys,” he said. “It’s too bad I haven’t seen them since they were kids. Before all of the DreamSMP wars.”

“I wonder why they were back,” Wilbur said, thinking aloud. Niki’s smile dropped.

“Either way, they weren’t staying for long,” she said. “I heard Tommy grumble something about leaving and never coming back.”

The three men stared sadly at her. Just when they think they got the boys back they had left again. Wilbur clenched the note in his fist.

“Do you think we could track them?” he asked. Niki shrugged as she felt tears come to her eyes.

“I don’t know,” she said. “They were flying through the Nether with elytras. It’s hard to track those.”

“Do you think they’ll be back?” Phil asked, collapsing his hands together as he leaned back in his seat. Niki looked at him with sad eyes.

“I don’t know.”

˙.・↞ ✴ ↠・.˙

“I don’t understand why we are doing this.”

“Closure?”

The two boys sat precariously on the balcony edge of the tower built in the Holy Lands. The balcony didn’t have railing and if they weren’t wearing elytra one wrong move would mean they would be falling to their deaths.

Yesterday, after seeing Niki, both the boys couldn’t stop themselves from returning. Although these lands and the people who lived in them were the source of all their trauma they couldn’t help but wish to have one last conversation with their old friends. Like Tubbo said, for closure.

So they had left a note in the embassy saying that they would be in the Holy Lands the next morning. They didn’t want to fight, just wanted to talk. So they sat perched on the tower like birds, waiting to see their friends come through the gates to meet them.

It didn’t take too long for them to arrive. If Tommy would've guessed it was around ten in the morning when he watched a small group walk through the gates. Niki, Wilbur, Techno and Dream came in first. Following behind at more of a distance was Quackity, Fundy, Phil, and surprisingly Sapnap and Eret.

Tubbo nudged Tommy and the two made eye contact before nodding to one another. Pulling on their masks and face covering the two stood up and stretched. Then they jumped off the tower, their elytras’ wings spreading out behind them as they glided to the ground, landing a few feet away from the group. They swiftly stood back up to their full heights and stood close to each other, studying the groups of people who were here to see them

At first no one said anything to one another. Niki stared at the two boys expectantly, ready for them to give away a sign about who they really were. With a sigh Tommy took his mask of his face and pulled his bandana down, Tubbo following suit. 

“Hello Niki,” he said. “It’s nice to see you again.”

Niki smiled. “I saw you yesterday.”

“You know what I mean.”

Tubbo shifted uncomfortably besides him. Tommy glanced down at him and looked back at the group that was closest to them. Techno was staring at Tubbo’s face, likely at the scar that ran across his check, one of the ones that he had given him. Wilbur was quiet, his hands in his pockets. Tommy couldn’t read Dream, not with his mask covering his face. It reminded him all too much of the times Dream hunted him down during the first half of the war.

Tommy glanced behind the group, looking at the others who were watching quietly with curious eyes. He smirked when he made eye contact with Quackity, but didn’t express any other emotions when he looked at anyone else. Besides Sapnap, he glared at him. He was still upset over all the times he had killed his pets just to spite him. Compared to the other grudges he held it was practically nothing, but it still upset him.

“Why,” Wilbur said, finally breaking the silence. Tommy’s eyes returned to look at him, his expression blank. “Why did you leave?”

Tommy laughed and even Tubbo cracked a cruel grin.

“That’s very rich coming from you Wilbur,” Tommy said. “God you are such a bitch.”

Wilbur’s face scrunched up in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You went fucking insane!” Tommy exclaimed. “You scared the ever living shit outta me!”

“Tommy calm down,” Tubbo said, putting a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. Tommy bit his lip. He wanted nothing more than to shout more at Wilbur, but if he had learned anything over these past few years it was how to control his temper. For Tubbo.

“Why did you leave Tommy?” Tommy looked up, surprised that it was Dream asking the question. “You were the one that wanted these wars the most.” Tommy clenched his fist, biting back another shout.

“He left for me,” Tubbo said. His hand slipped off his friend’s shoulder to reach down and grab his hand. “I wanted to leave and we went together.”

“I lost sight of what I was fighting for anyway,” Tommy said. “If getting L’Manburg back meant the loss of more innocent lives and Tubbo’s near death,” he said, glaring at Techno as he spoke. “Then I would have gladly thrown L’Manburg away. For everyone’s safety.”

“I’m sorry Tommy,” Techno spoke in a soft tone. “I never wanted to hurt Tubbo.”

“But you did!” Tommy shouted. Tubbo squeezed his hand and looked at him with pleading eyes, but all Tommy could see was red.

“But he’s fine now!” Techno said, gesturing to Tubbo who was standing close besides Tommy, seemingly perfectly fine in front of them.

“No he’s not!” Tommy shouted. He was so enraged and the others likely could see it even if they didn’t know to the full extent of _why_.

“He’s right,” Tubbo said softly, looking up at Techno with cold eyes. Techno recoiled and looked away.

“How are you two not fine?” Wilbur asked. Niki glared at him and elbowed him like the answer was obvious. Tommy just shook his head. He really didn’t want to deal with this right now.

“It’s a little something called _trauma_ ,” Tubbo said blankly. “And the things that stem off from it.”

“We all went through post-war trauma,” Dream said, crossing his arms.

“But do you have extreme claustrophobia?” Tubbo asked. “A fear of fireworks that send you into a panic attack even at the mere mention of them sometimes. Nightmares that keep you up for weeks? Scars from wounds that didn’t heal right that trigger bad memories?”

The group fell silent. Niki looked like she was about to cry and Tommy and Tubbo felt slightly guilty about that. It wasn’t their purpose to guilt-trip everyone, or even to begin this dumb fight. Both of them now wished they had just gone home instead of having this awkward meet up.

“I think it’s better if we go home,” Tubbo said quietly. He put his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground. “I wanna be home at a decent time.”

“H-how far out do you guys live?” Niki asked, hesitant. She didn’t meet the boys’ eyes when they turned to look at her. Maybe it was the guilt that was eating at her. None of this was her fault, she was such a sweet soul, but it was easy to blame yourself when people who you were close to were hurting.

“Far,” Tommy said, not offering up much information. “It takes about a month to travel here on foot, even with horses.”

“Oh,” Niki said, sounding disappointed. “Is there any way we can stay in contact?”

“Wynncraft,” Tubbo said. Niki looked at him confused. “We have a mailbox in a city in the south, Wynncraft,” he explained. “We check it every month or so, and it’s where we get supplies that aren't imported to other towns nearby. It’s still a small city though.”

Niki smiled. “I’ll make sure to send you letters every now and then.”

Tubbo smiled. “I’d like that. We’d like that.”

Tommy continued to frown. He didn’t want to express any more emotions in front of everyone. He was feeling very drained and just wanted to start their long journey back home. He squeezed Tubbo’s hand, which was still holding onto his, and glanced over the group one last time.

“We’re going home now,” he said. “Don’t come looking for us.”

With that he took a firework out of his satchel at his side and launched himself into the air. Tubbo followed shortly, catching up to him quickly. Tommy glanced back once at the group of people in the Holy Lands. Something inside him ached.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss them.

But he wouldn’t deny the fact that the grudges he held against them still stopped him from reconnecting with them. Maybe, after some more closure, they could make up. But for now they still needed space and time to put their differences aside.


End file.
